Ben Lerman’s Secret Diary... Shh!!!

Meltdown! - NYC - QxBxRx

Sat, 12 Jul 2008 13:49:11 -0400

Back in NYC!!! And yet, not back. Staying in Flatbush, Brooklyn, with my fantastic cousins, the Tishcoffs. Every once in a while, usually while I’m breaking something at a host’s house, a thought floats through my head: “I wonder what my sublets are doing right now.”

Back in May, I met Sir Loins, one of the hosts responsible for a starting a very fun gay punk party, “Queers, Beers, and Rears” (QxBxRx). I went down to the party at the cake shop and had a ton of fun, so I told Sir Loins (a.k.a. Steven) about what I do, and told him that if he ever needed a host, I’d be happy to give it a shot. He booked me to MC the show, playing a song before introducing each band. Holy shit! So much fun.

The Dead Betties, who I’ve known for six years, opened the show. It’s so nice to see the evolution of a band like that. They have grown from noise-art punks into craftsmen, artists, and skilled musicians. They have their own sound, that they’ve crafted over a number of years, and they are ready to strike it big. My little punk band is all growed up!

QxBxRx was a lot of fun, and despite the rowdy, raucous party atmosphere, the punkers gave me their kind attention and loved my ukulele songs. But then, how could they not. (Don’t worry, touring affords me plenty of opportunities of humility. I choose to celebrate some of the other ones sometimes.) The other two bands, The French Letter (a new band from a former member of Pansy Division) and Two Tears were excellent as well.

Oh, and I got a celebrity in a straightjacket! Have you checked the straightjacket photo blog lately? There are 130 or so pics of fun-loving crazies now, and still counting! But “Everybody In Straightjackets,” my photo-blog-summertime-fun-station, struck a real coup at the QxBxRx party when John Cameron Mitchell (a.k.a. Hedwig and the Angry Inch), posed for me in a straightjacket and crouched in garbage (my direction) with an uncomfortable smile (his modeling choice). Thanks John! You’re awesome!

Check the blog for John’s pic. But below is my FAVORITE straightjacket pic EVER. There was a rowdy bachelorette party at the queer punk show. HOW DID THIS HAPPEN??? I love that these bachelorettes decided to forgo the standard Lucky Cheng’s/Chippendale’s bachelorette routine, in favor of a queer punk show. Amazing. And the bride (pretty girl despite the pic below) was all too happy to jump into a straightjacket with her tiara, vail, and inflatable penis. LOVE IT!!!!!! I call this photograph, “The Sanctity of Marriage.”

Meltdown! - Rehoboth Beach

Tue, 8 Jul 2008 11:50:01 -0400

I’m not a beach guy. I sit on the beach for fifteen minutes and I’m done. I like to swim in the ocean, but I don’t like to lie there in the sun, baking. Unless of course it’s a particularly beautiful, tropical setting. The Atlantic Coast is nice. You can stare at the vastness of the sea and contemplate how insignificant you are—nay! how insignificant mankind is—in the universal canvas. Or some bullshit like that. But you sit there too long contemplating, and you’ll get wrinkles, liver spots, and skin cancer. It’s not really fear of that stuff that gets me, though. I just don’t like to sit still for that long unless I’m reading a good book. And I don’t like to read outdoors in the sun. Too bright. I’m more of a curler-upper. So I’m not a beach guy.

But I still like beach resorts. There’s a cultured idleness, a celebration of laziness, sometimes accompanied by a Girls Gone Wild–style of drunken reckless abandon. Flip-flops and garish beach towels that feature geometric patterns of printed fish or seashells or margarita glasses. Souvenir shops and custom t-shirt stores. (Is this kind of store that birthed such brilliant sloganning as “Shit happens,” “I’m with Stupid,” and “One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor”? If my friend Jenna had been there, I would have gone right into that store and created a shirt that read “One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, neighbor’s shower.” But that’s another story for another day.

Rehoboth Beach stands apart from the the other “DelMarVa” (Delaware-Maryland-Virginia) resorts because of the gays. There’s the standard mix of spring break–like post-teens, romantic couples, and families. But Rehoboth also caters to the resort gays from DC, Baltimore, and Philadelphia, all within a few hours’ drive. With the gays come the artsy-types, bohemians, and musicians.

I had a two shows in Rehoboth at the Frogg Pond, predominantly a lesbo bar, but also a place where the locals come to cut loose. The first show was pretty good. People are always a little hesitant to guffaw at a non-traditional comedy venue, but by the mid-point of my show, they warmed up to me and really enjoyed themselves. Not a great show, not a bad show, but a good one. Solid. The next night I had one of those shows that I thought was going to be a disaster, but it turned out to be one of the highlights of my whole tour.

There was a severe summer thunderstorm around 6 PM. The rain came down really hard and then stopped within an hour and a half. However, when I arrived at the venue at 7:30 to set up for my 9 PM show, I found that the Frogg Pond and the four other storefronts on the block had lost power. Everywhere else, no problem. But of course, the venue that I was supposed to play at was dark. So I resigned myself to the possibility that there would be no show. A couple of the Frogg Pond employees that I had befriended the night before, Amy and Rhonda, grabbed me and took me out for a drink, while the owner of the bar, Pete, called around to try to restore power to his bar. I returned to the Frogg Pond just before 9, and found that though there was no power, about twenty people had gathered to see “the comedian from New York.”

“Are you going to play?” one of the bartenders asked me. I figured I might as well give it a shot. I’ve never played a truly “unplugged” set in a proper venue before, and I was nervous that people would talk over me and my ukulele, drowning out the unamplified voices in a din of crowd noise. But, I’m willing to try anything once. So, recognizing that this could be a disaster, I told the bartender in the dark, “Sure, let’s see how it goes.”

He put candles on all the tables, and he made up five dinner plates of tea-light candles and put them on the stage. With all the lights out, it was a little like camping! It created a very warm (literally and figuratively) atmosphere, and I took the stage, no microphone, no amp.

I was amazed at how attentive everyone was. It was better than the night before. It was one of those moments where people decide individually, “We’re all in this together.” Everyone was on board from the start, and before long, the place filled up with another twenty or thirty people. It was kind of magical, and with the lights out, and soaking through my shirt by the heat of candlelight, it was one of my favorite shows that I’ve ever done.

I played for about an hour, and about ten minutes after my show, the lights came back on.

Big thanks to Pete Bosari and his partner Jeff, owners of the Frogg Pond, for being such consummate hosts. Also thank you to all of the staff of the Frogg Pond for all fun.

See you again soon, Rehoboth!

Meltdown! - Cecily’s farm

Tue, 1 Jul 2008 08:54:28 -0400

Meet Peppy, above. Peppy is 34 years old. Horses usually live between 25 and 30 years. If horses had their own today show, Cecily could send in a picture of Peppy. Cecily’s family and my family shared a backyard growing up in South Bend, Indiana. I took piano lessons from Cecily’s mom. Never practiced, not one time. Wish I had.

Now Cecily lives on several acres in Georgia with 11 horses, 5 dogs, many chickens, a few cats, a duck named Secret Agent, and a bunch of li’l critters and varmints. The cats hang with the chickens and Secret Agent. Enjoy the photo tour!

Meltdown! - Asheville - Wedge Gallery

Tue, 1 Jul 2008 07:34:12 -0400

Asheville, North Carolina, is a very strange, very lovable place. It’s a hugely liberal enclave, in a mostly conservative Southern state. One of their two free weekly alt news mags which is oddly called The Daily Planet, had a front page story about Jane Fonda coming to town to discuss the patriarchy. No judgments. I’m just saying, welcome to Asheville, Ms. Fonda.

Meltdown! - Atlanta - Friends on Ponce

Fri, 27 Jun 2008 05:31:47 -0400

Taking my clothes off for a photo shoot was a lot more fun than I thought it would be. I got over some hang-ups and let it all hang out. And then I saw the image on postcards, distributed all over Atlanta. There I was. Nudie nude nude. I thought that maybe I could have used a little retouching. I was worried that I was too fat... But the photo by Donnie Reider actually got me more favorable attention than I could have expected.

People came to the show who had seen me perform in Atlanta at the Eyedrum Gallery in May for the Mondo Homo Festival, and they brought some friends. Friends on Ponce is a great little neighborhood bar. The manager, gave me an open invitation to come back and perform there. I hope I can take him up on it.

Meltdown! - Atlanta - Southern Exposure

Thu, 26 Jun 2008 11:56:17 -0400

Cell (pictured with me) is a Chicago native, transplanted to Atlanta. Her acoustic live show, full of soulful, haunting, thoughtful tunes, reminded me of Tracy Chapman. And I’m not just saying that because Cell is a an black female acoustic artist. I’m saying that because she’s incredibly talented. And because she’s a black female acoustic artist.

The show was a lot of fun, and big thanks to Bruce Wells, who made it happen, despite a last-minute venue crisis and being the organizer of the Atlanta Pride music events next week.

As always (almost always), be sure to check the straightjacket photo blog for pics of the audience from this show in straightjackets.